hush

I know a personal blog is about sharing. In this day and age that nothing is private, with Facebook, blogspot, twitter and everything else...our lives are supposed to be an open book. With a blog that is literally the case, but I have to learn when keep some things to myself.

So I will wisely not speak about my relationship anymore, not as I did in my last post, as it makes people uneasy. Everyone wants to hear about loving, healthy relationships, with lots of care and love. When someone talks about one which is not going well, we immediately think "Well, I wouldn't take that" "That guy is a bastard" "Why would she put up with that?" or just silently worry if our own partners are behaving like that too - but are just more discreet.

I don't think I have ever liked relationships...I like love. Isn't that childish? I don't like the living together, the sharing of domestic chorus, the interaction with your partner's family, the jealousy as there are other attractive people around, who will be attracted to your partner. I hate all of that. Some people, much more emotionally mature than me, handle everything so well, effortlessly, and like everything that comes with it. Even the fact that having a king size bed, your partner always end up really (read too) close to your face, snoring, mouth open (read bad breath) and occasionally drooling on your pillow (ohhhh, how I hate that).

I know you are supposed to take all of that, the good and the bad, with marriage, but I don't think I'm up for that.

So...I just shared a lot again now but, you know, I'm just speaking in general terms (yeah, right).  And was just wondering if people secretly think like me, but still want to be married and live together and have children because there's what you're supposed to do and what everyone expects you to.

I was thinking lately that maybe, after all, I don't want to have children. I want to travel between two (faraway) countries and there's little practicability in that when it involves little ones. I love children, but do I want to give that up for them?

If I am not emotionally intelligent enough to handle a husband, how would I handle children?

Anyways, I think I am having an about to turn 30 crisis. I want those times back. When I'd come from work to MY home to see MY cats, have my bottle of wine ALONE in the bathtub or in front of the TV/computer, cook for ONE, leave all the dishes there unwashed cause I can't be bothered, putting some music on and dancing in front of the mirror not worrying if I looked silly and finish the day talking to my BOYFRIEND on the phone...no fights, just telling him I miss him and planning when we'd see each other again, when he'd come over...for just ONE night, of course.

Right. I've got to work more on trying to keep my trap shut, or my fingers wandering away on the keyboard.

My husband is a flirt - or why we cannot have it all

All is nice at work department, for a change. I am learning a lot, I like the people I work with, I drink every single day using tasting as an excuse, the customers truly want and respect my opinion.

The day before yesterday I had to work on my own while my French (and handsome) boss was in a meeting, and I was quite proud of myself for managing. I was particularly proud when I a French lady entered the shop and I had an entire conversation with her in French! And I advised a French person about wine! French wine, even!

So I was quite content with myself and my life, until I arrived home.

You see, my husband...long before middle aged crisis, and before we even had children (I am rethinking the whole child thing now), has become a flirt. You know, that guy that hits on people to test himself, see if he still got it because he's an insecure pig? You know, the guy you want to punch on the face? 

sigh. Yes, that seems to be him now.

I know, he used to hit on me when we worked together too. But I didn't see him hitting on anyone else, so I thought "Well, he fancies me. He really does. And only me"

Come to think about it now, he didn't have many options at the place we used to work, and not many girls found him attractive anyways (I heard a lot of "You are too pretty for him" from my colleagues).

But anyways...I digress.

I saw a mobile text from him  to a couple of girls at his work...the kind which shows just too much intimacy. Too much for my liking. Definitely flirty. Most definitely inappropriate.

I confronted him, he said it was normal, it was no big deal, and that I was making a big thing out of nothing.

That made me madder.

He even said mild flirtation at the work place is completely common and everyone does it.
Fuming.

Well, I don't! And my boss is something (Tall, slim, blue eyes, French and knows about wine)

And his behavior extends outside the workplace. I have noticed him ogling women when I am right there, and the side smile. You know, my dear husband has this once charming, now irritating Clark-Gable-style side smile. And he's got a dimple too (I have one too but don't use it for evil purposes). My mother used to say he used to look like he had a stroke when he smiled ("Why doesn't he smile with both sides like normal people?" "I don't know, mum")

He also tends to make his voice deeper when he's around an attractive woman. Quite annoying.

I am sick and tired of being always the jealous one. So I am starting to learn from him. I will now sometimes pretend I got a mobile message and grin and pretend to look embarrassed. "Why are you smiling?" "Nothing", I say, and put the phone away. I know it infuriates him. But he'd never say anything.

I also take long glances at attractive or just acceptable looking men and when talking to a male, even if he's a shop assistant, I make eye to eye contact, and smile, and change my voice slightly too.

I still haven't had any reaction from my husband. But I will.  

God I will.