Jealousy

I am a jealous woman. Everyone knows. And boy, does my husband know! I have always been this way, and you could explain it with the fact my mother's two failed marriages were tainted by many infidelities. However, my sister , who grew up with me, isn't jealous at all. She is this understanding, kind human being who thinks everyone is entitled to fail to be monogamous some time, as its human, it's how life goes. Aren't we different.

It seems that most people think of being a jealous person as one the worst trait someone can possess. A sin for some. Such a low, ridiculous feeling for others. More than a few would roll their eyes and feel sorry for me. My friends would always say throughout my life that jealousy is useless and you cannot control what your partner does. That you are just hurting yourself and your partner. I heard it all and I am still jealous. Firstly because it is something I cannot control and secondly...I disagree with them.

Recently a friend started using Internet dating sites. Yesterday she was telling me about this guy who apparently has a great profile and asked for her phone number whilst flirting online. "The problem is - she tells me - is that he only calls from unknown numbers, and has never given me his telephone. When I asked for it, he just said he would call again later and was very sweet. Then he wanted to meet me at 2 pm but I couldn't make it, and now I want to reschedule but I don't know how to get hold of him, he's so nice and has a gorgeous photo!" "And he's married"- I told her. "What?" "Come on, he calls from a private number, doesn't give his mobile number to you, and wants to schedule a date at lunch time? On his work break?" She paused and said "Wow, I never thought of that".

I did, immediately. A friend of my mother was married for many years and suddenly found out her husband had been having an affair with their secretary (they were also business partners) for 2 and a half years. She would never have guessed. She had never been jealous, she never looked for clues, she never questioned him. Needless to say, her world was thrown upside down by this revelation, and now she had to think about their small children and their business, along with the fact that all of their nights she slept so sure that her husband was working overtime - he was with her. And now he was going to marry the other woman, much younger, of course.

And we read the papers and magazines and we know that happened to Sandra Bullock, Tiger's wife, Cheryl Cole, Shania Twain. And I cannot help but wonder: How didn't they know! They probably weren't jealous, they weren't suspicious. We all saw Sandra's Oscar acceptance speech and her love, trust and admiration for her husband.

My husband could never pull serial or continuous cheating. Not on me. I will discretely check the facts. I won't start a scene and I won't throw accusations without any proof. But for instance, when he works overtime and I cannot get hold of him on his mobile, I will call his workplace, and ask to speak to him. I make up an excuse or just say I miss him madly, he likes that.

I will also occasionally do the subtle checking the phone whilst he is in the shower.

Am I unhappy for that? Does it drive me crazy? Au contraire, I am not always checking, but it does give me peace of mind when I do, and if I find something I do not like, I will speak to him. We will talk about it.

My husband is never jealous, but I wish he was. I think up to some point it keeps the passion alive and prevents us from taking each other for granted. I think not only jealousy is healthy, It is necessary.