I have been away from this blog for a while. And I am not going to lie, it was not because I was extremely busy with my hectic but exciting life. No. The truth is I have been in great pain lately.
I had the hugest, most dramatic fight with my husband. I cried and yelled and truthfully, I wanted to hurt him. Now I am not going to details about the reasons of the fight. It happens with every couple, doesn't it? But this time, I had enough. I had enough living in that house and that every argument I had with my husband, my mother-in-law was somehow listening, and then defending her son to me- as he is such a good boy and has the best intentions at heart. No, I wasn't taking that anymore, and since Martin refused to get out of his mother's, I did.
I packed and went to a friend's house in North London. I caught the last train in tears. The pain was so much I wasn't ashamed of crying in front of anyone. I called my sister sobbing, and she told me to stay strong, and do what I believe is right.
It is been almost a week and I have not weakened. Is he sending me texts and e-mails to have me back? Absolutely. Did any of these convince me? Hell no. Texting and e-mailing is too easy. Too easy.
I would never stop him taking me for granted if I gave in immediately. So I am staying strong, as my sister told me to.
Then, as I am now in North London, the commute to the south of Surrey, where I work, wouldn't be doable. It would just be impossible. I might as well work in Paris and the Eurostar will get me there at the same amount of time. So I told work I needed some days off due to unforeseen circumstances. Today they called, putting some pressure on me to return to work. So I quit. I will never return there. It was a relief.
I hear people just taking it, a bad relationship and a bad job. They are miserable but they will not give up. They see it as something grand, fighting for it, sticking to it, taking it until it drains all your energies. People glorify all who refuses to quit, no matter what. That's fine, but I don't. I rather quit.
Am I scared? I am terrified. I can't live at my friend's forever, I have no idea how to fix my precociously problematic marriage, I am scared I will not get a job soon.
But I am not sitting still watching the world cup drinking a beer (although I do that too), I am looking for jobs and have already an interview on Monday.
So here it is (raise glass) for all quitters. If they say everything happens for a reason then we should be fine.
I'm so sorry about all this. :( If I lived in England you'd have a couch to stay on for as long as you wanted. While your whole world seems upside down right now, I have to say that I admire you. You're so brave for taking steps to change your life and make it better (the living-with-the-mother-in-law situation...the terrible job). What's the point of "sticking it out" in circumstances that just drain you of all energy? Life is too short.
ReplyDeleteI know I don't know you or your husband personally but I think you guys would be a lot happier in your own place. He just needs to suck it up and move out from under his mother's roof. We should all be able to argue with our husbands in private -- not with an MIL listening in the next room. Yuck. And I'm sure you'll find a new job in no time -- one you hopefully like much, much better.
Keep calm and carry on!
hugs,
Your bloggie friend in California :)
Nossa, Dora, quantas coisas acontecendo de repente! Fico arrasada de saber que vocês não estão mais juntos. Eu tenho plena certeza de que tudo isso poderia ser evitado se vocês estivessem vivendo na casa de vocês, é muito difícil para um casal novo viver na casa dos pais de um dos dois. Os primeiros meses de casamento são de ajuste, de adaptação para conseguir dividir a vida com alguém que não conhecíamos ao longo dos anos em que adquirimos nossos hábitos e manias. Essa tarefa por si só já é tão difícil, quanto mais com a interferência da sogra. Torço muito para vocês se acertarem, para se darem uma nova chance em outra casa, mas se você achar que não tem como conciliar, não se desespere, amiga, o amor é bom, mas melhor ainda é viver em paz. A vida é muito curta para permitirmos que infelicidade se instale. Corra atrás dos seus sonhos como você sempre fez, eles te levaram até aí e podem te levar aonde mais você quiser ir.Você tem força para isso, respire fundo e deixe passar essa primeira onde de angústia, logo tudo vai clarear na sua mente! Beijos
ReplyDeleteHugs! There is no point in being in a miserable, stressful situation on purpose.
ReplyDeleteI hope you and your husband work things out and ultimately find a place of your own.
The job situation will inevitably find it's way back to you. Thoughts with you on your endeavor.