The first day of work is like your first day of school...at a new school. You are hoping you are going to like the classes, the teachers and your classmates. But in the back of your mind you know damn well that you are just going to have to study a lot of things you don't want to, that all the time that school consumes could be spent doing something so much funner (like sleeping!) and that you are probably going to dislike a lot of people there.
Same for work, just substitute classmates for colleagues, teaches for bosses, studying for actually working.
Yes, today was my first day. I woke up at 6 a.m. 6 am! It should be illegal. Against human rights or something. And it is so cold in the morning I could see my own breath (come on, it's spring!), then the train, changing the train, catching the bus. And I managed to arrive there late.
Right. I spent all day long in front of the computer, with my boss by my side, guiding me through the painful process of getting to know their computer softwares. I was looking forward to every little break I could get. Drinking water, coffee, a blessed soul even brought donuts for everyone today. And lunch time.
It was so much to take in, and the more I did my tasks the more I got confused. So.many.little.details. My under eye circles got deeper and darker each hour that went by. I finally finished my first daily dose of torture. I caught the bus home, then the train. I slept in the train. I never sleep in trains, buses or airplanes. But I did today, I was exhausted, I even set my alarm so I wouldn't miss my stop.
I came home at 6:30 pm. More than 12 hours of my day. Wasted.
Yes, wasted, because why the hell would my life be improved or become any more significant if I learn how to use a company's computer software? Am I really helping people the way I intended (once upon a time) by processing wine orders and organizing deliveries?
I think some people are not meant to have a boss and a routine and I am one of those. Some will say I am lazy or spoiled, or both. However I truly think that we limit our life so much having a stated time to even have lunch. We think of it as normal but is it?
When I met those actors at the wine tasting I saw people brave enough to just do what they wanted. I envy them. I am a coward. I fear failure.
And if you tell me you love your job and you are extremely happy with it...Well, good for you. I hate you.
(Note: This was written out of tiredness and utter frustration. I do apologize.)
(Note: This was written out of tiredness and utter frustration. I do apologize.)
